Most people, especially men wrongly assume that sex is their ‘fundamental right’ given by marriage. This creates lot of misunderstandings and rejections leading even to separation.
In marital relationship, sex is usually one sided and is initiated and sort of dictated by one of the partner usually man; and the other partner follows without questioning.
In most cases, women avoid initiation for fear of being termed ‘sex-crazy’ or ‘promiscuous’
Learning to take initiative for sex requires development of desire and urge for sex. And, understanding own sexuality requires self exploration.
Boys or men learn about their sexuality because their sex organ penis hangs externally and is exposed to touch and stimulation even in their routine life. Boys learn faster to explore this pleasure further and get ejaculation and orgasm through masturbation even without anyone telling or training them.
Whereas for women the taboo of ‘nice girls don’t talk of sex’ still exists. Parents are also afraid about the problems girl may face if she becomes sexual too early in life or before marriage.
Women today, are aware of their sex organs and most of them explore their sexuality, but do not wish to express themselves in front of their husband unless enough trust and intimacy is developed between them.
Men have to generate enough confidence in their partner to make her talk or express openly about what she wants in bed.
Equal involvement of partners in sexual life is possible when both learn to initiate sex assertively.
Both partners must understand that in marital relationship, being assertive and taking initiative for sexual relation does not mean person is ‘aggressive’ or ‘sex crazy’.
Assertive approach means, person initiating the sex does not force the partner and agrees that the other partner has the option of saying ‘yes’ or ‘no’ to sex.
Both partners should learn to take assertive initiation in their sexual relationships as they take in other areas of their daily lives.
Men usually consider themselves as the dominant partner in a sexual relationship, and take the lead in making love. At the same time men expect their wife also to enjoy sex.
For women, taking the lead in making love can be the best way to communicate their involvement in enjoying the sex.
Man may be surprised by initiation from his wife and may feel alarmed or threatened of his dominance in sex. But, he will soon realise that initiation by wife reduces his pressure of performance. The sex then is enjoyed equally by both
Due to lack of assertiveness many couples live without sex for even months. Sex also becomes repetitive predictable act.
Assertive initiation by both partners from the beginning of sexual relationship is important. Taking responsibility of being assertive initiator with varied approaches prevents monotony in married life and develops feeling of ‘want’ in both partners.
Sexual satisfaction of both the partners is integral part of long-term relationship.